Romantic connections today look nothing like they did a decade ago. We fall for people through screens, swipe through potential partners like a catalog, and measure our own love lives against curated versions of everyone else's. Technology and media have opened new pathways to connection, but they've also complicated how we perceive love, intimacy, and ourselves.
The Glamorization of Unhealthy Relationships
Reality dating shows like Love Island, Love Is Blind, and the streaming phenomenon Tell Me Lies have taken over screens, designed to thrill us with their dramatized portrayals of romance. Viewers may find these programs compelling—unable to look away from the intensity, the fast-paced but often unhealthy dynamics, semi-relatable characters, and what appears to be psychological and emotional depth. The cathartic exercise of screaming at the television is an added bonus. But what’s the hidden cost of all this glitz? These mostly false narratives often celebrate drama, insecurity, and conflict, subtly implying that love must come with euphoric peaks and devastating valleys to be genuine. It’s easy to confuse the excitement of on-screen drama with the reality of healthy relationships and lose sight of what actually feels right to you.
Social media platforms, particularly TikTok and Instagram, amplify this chaos by promoting clips that glorify toxic relationships. Young audiences are bombarded with messages that equate jealousy, suspicion, obsession, and volatility with passion (although much of it is staged for the camera). Beyond dating content, these platforms’ algorithms often promote unrealistic body standards, leading to harmful comparisons that can undermine self-esteem—a foundation of healthy relationships.
Online Dating: More Reach, Less Connection
Before the pervasiveness of social media, people of all ages met at school, at work, through mutual friends, at parties, and during recreational activities. Friendships developed as a result of common interests and goals. Sometimes those friendships turned into romantic relationships, or into close, even life-long friendships. Connections were forged gradually and naturally. Although that may still happen, forming friendships and romantic relationships has changed dramatically.
The rise of online dating has sparked intense debate about its impact on romantic relationships in America. On one hand, these platforms offer convenience and broaden the dating pool beyond traditional social circles. On the other hand, they often facilitate superficial connections and can lead to negative experiences, like lowered self-confidence and even finding oneself in exploitative or unsafe situations.
A recent survey reveals that public opinion on online dating is mixed, with half of Americans believing these platforms have had neither a positive nor negative impact on dating. Yet some research shows a concerning trend: many studies link dating app use with negative body image and self-esteem issues. There is also a substantial amount of research documenting the adverse effects on mental health and emotional well-being.
The design of apps plays a significant role in the dating landscape. Endless choices, quick judgments based on appearance, unverifiable attributes, and intermittent rewards in the form of “matches” create a dopamine-fueled cycle reminiscent of gambling. The result is emotional fatigue and, ultimately, dissatisfaction: they turn out to not be the person you thought they were. Negative behaviors like ghosting (abruptly cutting off communication without explanation) have become a common experience for many who use these apps, and it often leads to feelings of rejection and attachment anxiety.
Dating apps have multiplied and segmented into niche communities. The League targets career-driven professionals, Dig caters to dog lovers, and TurnUp is built for music fans. Many platforms also layer on paid perks, such as advanced filters and boosted visibility, to give users an edge. While these features promise efficiency and personalization, many users—especially Gen Z—report growing levels of “dating app burnout” driven by gamified interactions and the pressure to optimize connection through subscriptions rather than chemistry. The paradox is striking: despite more access to more partners, satisfaction and deep connections have declined. This burnout may already be showing in the numbers. Recent data shows that only 26% of online dating service users in the U.S. are aged 18 to 29, while those aged 30 to 49 make up a whopping 61% of the user base.
The increasing preference for real-world connections marks a significant shift in modern dating dynamics. During a recent Counslr panel, Happily Ever After, dating app founder Joe Feminella, The Golden Bachelor’s April Kirkwood, Gen-Z vlogger Jeannie Szomstein, and Jessica Asia, LCSW discussed the challenges of digital dating and the resurgence of in-person connection. Crucially, they emphasized that self-awareness and self-love are foundational to navigating this new landscape. As panelist April Kirkwood shared of her castmates on The Golden Bachelor: “Most of the women on my season had lived their lives, experienced so much, and had found comfort and peace in creating their own space. They were looking for someone to respect and stand by their space, not fill the space.”
The Foundation of Healthy Relationships: You
At Counslr, a topic that often emerges in discussions about relationship challenges is the health of your relationship with yourself. Self-love isn’t about being self-absorbed. It’s about being self-aware. It involves understanding your needs, boundaries, and values; recognizing patterns from past relationships; and being open to change. It’s about knowing you deserve respect, empathy, and communication that lifts you up, rather than tears you down. And the stronger that relationship with yourself, the better you can show up in one with someone else.
How to Cultivate Healthier Connections
There are no magic formulas or actions that will lead to successful, mutually fulfilling relationships. But here are some ideas that might lead you in the right direction:
- Practice Self-Acceptance: Identify your strengths and acknowledge your imperfections. A strong sense of self reduces the need for external validation through social media and relationships.
- Set Boundaries Early and Clearly: Respect each other’s boundaries. Neither partner should feel pressured or controlled.
- Slow Down: Prioritize authenticity and connection over speed and drama, whether you’re meeting online or offline.
- Balance Quality Time and Individuality: Ensure you spend intentional, uninterrupted time together doing something you both enjoy, such as a weekly walk or no-phone date night where you actually check in with each other, talk about how you’re feeling, and stay present. At the same time, it’s important to maintain your own interests and friendships.
- Prioritize Healthy Communication: Look for a partner who is open to discussing concerns and resolving conflicts with respect and empathy.
- Cultivate Trust: Both partners benefit when they feel secure in their commitment and loyalty to one another.
- Make Room for Fun and Play: Laugh together, be silly, and try lighthearted activities together like cooking a new recipe, taking a random workout class, playing a game, taking spontaneous walks, or planning low-pressure adventures that remind you why you enjoy each other’s company.
Finding a soulmate or even a true best friend has never been easy, but today, it’s undeniably more complicated. The rise of dating apps and the constant consumption of reality shows and viral relationship content often glamorize manipulation, emotional chaos, and unrealistic timelines, quietly reshaping how we think love is supposed to look.
Start with yourself. When you value your emotional health and happiness, you create space for relationships rooted in trust, authenticity, and the kind of deep intimacy that no algorithm or storyline can manufacture.
Romantic connections today look nothing like they did a decade ago. We fall for people through screens, swipe through potential partners like a catalog, and measure our own love lives against curated versions of everyone else's. Technology and media have opened new pathways to connection, but they've also complicated how we perceive love, intimacy, and ourselves.
The Glamorization of Unhealthy Relationships
Reality dating shows like Love Island, Love Is Blind, and the streaming phenomenon Tell Me Lies have taken over screens, designed to thrill us with their dramatized portrayals of romance. Viewers may find these programs compelling—unable to look away from the intensity, the fast-paced but often unhealthy dynamics, semi-relatable characters, and what appears to be psychological and emotional depth. The cathartic exercise of screaming at the television is an added bonus. But what’s the hidden cost of all this glitz? These mostly false narratives often celebrate drama, insecurity, and conflict, subtly implying that love must come with euphoric peaks and devastating valleys to be genuine. It’s easy to confuse the excitement of on-screen drama with the reality of healthy relationships and lose sight of what actually feels right to you.
Social media platforms, particularly TikTok and Instagram, amplify this chaos by promoting clips that glorify toxic relationships. Young audiences are bombarded with messages that equate jealousy, suspicion, obsession, and volatility with passion (although much of it is staged for the camera). Beyond dating content, these platforms’ algorithms often promote unrealistic body standards, leading to harmful comparisons that can undermine self-esteem—a foundation of healthy relationships.
Online Dating: More Reach, Less Connection
Before the pervasiveness of social media, people of all ages met at school, at work, through mutual friends, at parties, and during recreational activities. Friendships developed as a result of common interests and goals. Sometimes those friendships turned into romantic relationships, or into close, even life-long friendships. Connections were forged gradually and naturally. Although that may still happen, forming friendships and romantic relationships has changed dramatically.
The rise of online dating has sparked intense debate about its impact on romantic relationships in America. On one hand, these platforms offer convenience and broaden the dating pool beyond traditional social circles. On the other hand, they often facilitate superficial connections and can lead to negative experiences, like lowered self-confidence and even finding oneself in exploitative or unsafe situations.
A recent survey reveals that public opinion on online dating is mixed, with half of Americans believing these platforms have had neither a positive nor negative impact on dating. Yet some research shows a concerning trend: many studies link dating app use with negative body image and self-esteem issues. There is also a substantial amount of research documenting the adverse effects on mental health and emotional well-being.
The design of apps plays a significant role in the dating landscape. Endless choices, quick judgments based on appearance, unverifiable attributes, and intermittent rewards in the form of “matches” create a dopamine-fueled cycle reminiscent of gambling. The result is emotional fatigue and, ultimately, dissatisfaction: they turn out to not be the person you thought they were. Negative behaviors like ghosting (abruptly cutting off communication without explanation) have become a common experience for many who use these apps, and it often leads to feelings of rejection and attachment anxiety.
Dating apps have multiplied and segmented into niche communities. The League targets career-driven professionals, Dig caters to dog lovers, and TurnUp is built for music fans. Many platforms also layer on paid perks, such as advanced filters and boosted visibility, to give users an edge. While these features promise efficiency and personalization, many users—especially Gen Z—report growing levels of “dating app burnout” driven by gamified interactions and the pressure to optimize connection through subscriptions rather than chemistry. The paradox is striking: despite more access to more partners, satisfaction and deep connections have declined. This burnout may already be showing in the numbers. Recent data shows that only 26% of online dating service users in the U.S. are aged 18 to 29, while those aged 30 to 49 make up a whopping 61% of the user base.
The increasing preference for real-world connections marks a significant shift in modern dating dynamics. During a recent Counslr panel, Happily Ever After, dating app founder Joe Feminella, The Golden Bachelor’s April Kirkwood, Gen-Z vlogger Jeannie Szomstein, and Jessica Asia, LCSW discussed the challenges of digital dating and the resurgence of in-person connection. Crucially, they emphasized that self-awareness and self-love are foundational to navigating this new landscape. As panelist April Kirkwood shared of her castmates on The Golden Bachelor: “Most of the women on my season had lived their lives, experienced so much, and had found comfort and peace in creating their own space. They were looking for someone to respect and stand by their space, not fill the space.”
The Foundation of Healthy Relationships: You
At Counslr, a topic that often emerges in discussions about relationship challenges is the health of your relationship with yourself. Self-love isn’t about being self-absorbed. It’s about being self-aware. It involves understanding your needs, boundaries, and values; recognizing patterns from past relationships; and being open to change. It’s about knowing you deserve respect, empathy, and communication that lifts you up, rather than tears you down. And the stronger that relationship with yourself, the better you can show up in one with someone else.
How to Cultivate Healthier Connections
There are no magic formulas or actions that will lead to successful, mutually fulfilling relationships. But here are some ideas that might lead you in the right direction:
- Practice Self-Acceptance: Identify your strengths and acknowledge your imperfections. A strong sense of self reduces the need for external validation through social media and relationships.
- Set Boundaries Early and Clearly: Respect each other’s boundaries. Neither partner should feel pressured or controlled.
- Slow Down: Prioritize authenticity and connection over speed and drama, whether you’re meeting online or offline.
- Balance Quality Time and Individuality: Ensure you spend intentional, uninterrupted time together doing something you both enjoy, such as a weekly walk or no-phone date night where you actually check in with each other, talk about how you’re feeling, and stay present. At the same time, it’s important to maintain your own interests and friendships.
- Prioritize Healthy Communication: Look for a partner who is open to discussing concerns and resolving conflicts with respect and empathy.
- Cultivate Trust: Both partners benefit when they feel secure in their commitment and loyalty to one another.
- Make Room for Fun and Play: Laugh together, be silly, and try lighthearted activities together like cooking a new recipe, taking a random workout class, playing a game, taking spontaneous walks, or planning low-pressure adventures that remind you why you enjoy each other’s company.
Finding a soulmate or even a true best friend has never been easy, but today, it’s undeniably more complicated. The rise of dating apps and the constant consumption of reality shows and viral relationship content often glamorize manipulation, emotional chaos, and unrealistic timelines, quietly reshaping how we think love is supposed to look.
Start with yourself. When you value your emotional health and happiness, you create space for relationships rooted in trust, authenticity, and the kind of deep intimacy that no algorithm or storyline can manufacture.
Romantic connections today look nothing like they did a decade ago. We fall for people through screens, swipe through potential partners like a catalog, and measure our own love lives against curated versions of everyone else's. Technology and media have opened new pathways to connection, but they've also complicated how we perceive love, intimacy, and ourselves.
The Glamorization of Unhealthy Relationships
Reality dating shows like Love Island, Love Is Blind, and the streaming phenomenon Tell Me Lies have taken over screens, designed to thrill us with their dramatized portrayals of romance. Viewers may find these programs compelling—unable to look away from the intensity, the fast-paced but often unhealthy dynamics, semi-relatable characters, and what appears to be psychological and emotional depth. The cathartic exercise of screaming at the television is an added bonus. But what’s the hidden cost of all this glitz? These mostly false narratives often celebrate drama, insecurity, and conflict, subtly implying that love must come with euphoric peaks and devastating valleys to be genuine. It’s easy to confuse the excitement of on-screen drama with the reality of healthy relationships and lose sight of what actually feels right to you.
Social media platforms, particularly TikTok and Instagram, amplify this chaos by promoting clips that glorify toxic relationships. Young audiences are bombarded with messages that equate jealousy, suspicion, obsession, and volatility with passion (although much of it is staged for the camera). Beyond dating content, these platforms’ algorithms often promote unrealistic body standards, leading to harmful comparisons that can undermine self-esteem—a foundation of healthy relationships.
Online Dating: More Reach, Less Connection
Before the pervasiveness of social media, people of all ages met at school, at work, through mutual friends, at parties, and during recreational activities. Friendships developed as a result of common interests and goals. Sometimes those friendships turned into romantic relationships, or into close, even life-long friendships. Connections were forged gradually and naturally. Although that may still happen, forming friendships and romantic relationships has changed dramatically.
The rise of online dating has sparked intense debate about its impact on romantic relationships in America. On one hand, these platforms offer convenience and broaden the dating pool beyond traditional social circles. On the other hand, they often facilitate superficial connections and can lead to negative experiences, like lowered self-confidence and even finding oneself in exploitative or unsafe situations.
A recent survey reveals that public opinion on online dating is mixed, with half of Americans believing these platforms have had neither a positive nor negative impact on dating. Yet some research shows a concerning trend: many studies link dating app use with negative body image and self-esteem issues. There is also a substantial amount of research documenting the adverse effects on mental health and emotional well-being.
The design of apps plays a significant role in the dating landscape. Endless choices, quick judgments based on appearance, unverifiable attributes, and intermittent rewards in the form of “matches” create a dopamine-fueled cycle reminiscent of gambling. The result is emotional fatigue and, ultimately, dissatisfaction: they turn out to not be the person you thought they were. Negative behaviors like ghosting (abruptly cutting off communication without explanation) have become a common experience for many who use these apps, and it often leads to feelings of rejection and attachment anxiety.
Dating apps have multiplied and segmented into niche communities. The League targets career-driven professionals, Dig caters to dog lovers, and TurnUp is built for music fans. Many platforms also layer on paid perks, such as advanced filters and boosted visibility, to give users an edge. While these features promise efficiency and personalization, many users—especially Gen Z—report growing levels of “dating app burnout” driven by gamified interactions and the pressure to optimize connection through subscriptions rather than chemistry. The paradox is striking: despite more access to more partners, satisfaction and deep connections have declined. This burnout may already be showing in the numbers. Recent data shows that only 26% of online dating service users in the U.S. are aged 18 to 29, while those aged 30 to 49 make up a whopping 61% of the user base.
The increasing preference for real-world connections marks a significant shift in modern dating dynamics. During a recent Counslr panel, Happily Ever After, dating app founder Joe Feminella, The Golden Bachelor’s April Kirkwood, Gen-Z vlogger Jeannie Szomstein, and Jessica Asia, LCSW discussed the challenges of digital dating and the resurgence of in-person connection. Crucially, they emphasized that self-awareness and self-love are foundational to navigating this new landscape. As panelist April Kirkwood shared of her castmates on The Golden Bachelor: “Most of the women on my season had lived their lives, experienced so much, and had found comfort and peace in creating their own space. They were looking for someone to respect and stand by their space, not fill the space.”
The Foundation of Healthy Relationships: You
At Counslr, a topic that often emerges in discussions about relationship challenges is the health of your relationship with yourself. Self-love isn’t about being self-absorbed. It’s about being self-aware. It involves understanding your needs, boundaries, and values; recognizing patterns from past relationships; and being open to change. It’s about knowing you deserve respect, empathy, and communication that lifts you up, rather than tears you down. And the stronger that relationship with yourself, the better you can show up in one with someone else.
How to Cultivate Healthier Connections
There are no magic formulas or actions that will lead to successful, mutually fulfilling relationships. But here are some ideas that might lead you in the right direction:
- Practice Self-Acceptance: Identify your strengths and acknowledge your imperfections. A strong sense of self reduces the need for external validation through social media and relationships.
- Set Boundaries Early and Clearly: Respect each other’s boundaries. Neither partner should feel pressured or controlled.
- Slow Down: Prioritize authenticity and connection over speed and drama, whether you’re meeting online or offline.
- Balance Quality Time and Individuality: Ensure you spend intentional, uninterrupted time together doing something you both enjoy, such as a weekly walk or no-phone date night where you actually check in with each other, talk about how you’re feeling, and stay present. At the same time, it’s important to maintain your own interests and friendships.
- Prioritize Healthy Communication: Look for a partner who is open to discussing concerns and resolving conflicts with respect and empathy.
- Cultivate Trust: Both partners benefit when they feel secure in their commitment and loyalty to one another.
- Make Room for Fun and Play: Laugh together, be silly, and try lighthearted activities together like cooking a new recipe, taking a random workout class, playing a game, taking spontaneous walks, or planning low-pressure adventures that remind you why you enjoy each other’s company.
Finding a soulmate or even a true best friend has never been easy, but today, it’s undeniably more complicated. The rise of dating apps and the constant consumption of reality shows and viral relationship content often glamorize manipulation, emotional chaos, and unrealistic timelines, quietly reshaping how we think love is supposed to look.
Start with yourself. When you value your emotional health and happiness, you create space for relationships rooted in trust, authenticity, and the kind of deep intimacy that no algorithm or storyline can manufacture.
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