Tips for When Conflict Arises in Your Relationship

At some point, every one of us will encounter a disagreement or conflict with our significant other—or others. It may be a relatively easy-to-solve problem, like a difference of opinion about the division of labor at home, or it may be a much more stressful problem, like the loss of a job. It may even be an emotionally-charged issue, like infidelity. Whatever the situation, every relationship hits friction, but the way you handle it matters.

Here are 7 tips for when conflict arises in your relationship.

1. Lean on your support system. Talk to a friend, family member, or other health care professional.
2. Focus on the problem and brainstorm potential solutions, rather than focusing on why the other person is wrong, their character flaws, or their shortcomings.
3. Some problems are simple to solve but seem overwhelming. Try to break down the issues into smaller, bite-sized pieces. Maybe you didn’t like the way your partner talked to you yesterday, or your partner forgot to call when they had to work late. Focus on the actual problem, rather than making broad generalizations like “You’re always rude,” or “You never let me know you’re going to get home late.”
4. Writing things down can help. Thinking things through, distilling a conflict or disagreement down to a written description of what went wrong and how you felt, then reading over what you have written can be revealing and may lead to one or more possible solutions.
5. Expanding one’s activities and other relationships may shift the focus of the problem and can sometimes—but not always—lead to solutions, or at least offer some respite from thinking about the problem.
6. Control what you can while you are trying to solve your problems, such as sticking to a healthy diet, exercising regularly, and finding ways to relax. The problem may not go away, but feeling better helps everyone function at their best.
7. Consider face-to-face counseling. Meeting with a trained and experienced counselor can be extremely helpful in working through problems in any kind of relationship.

If you want to explore any of this further, Counslr’s text-based support and the full Wellness Toolkit are both available to you anytime, 24/7/365.

Note: These tips are meant for everyday relationship friction. If abuse or safety is a concern, please contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 or visit hotline.org, available 24/7/365.

The resources in this Wellness Toolkit are for informational purposes only and should never replace advice from your medical or mental health professionals. If you are in a life-threatening situation, call 988 or contact emergency services immediately.