In 2018, Jaron Lanier, often referred to as the “Father of Virtual Reality” wrote a book called Ten Arguments for Deleting Your Social Media Accounts Right Now (1). He presents convincing arguments for doing exactly that, including the concern that social media is destroying our capacity for real empathy and making us increasingly unhappy.
Depending on which source you believe and how up to date it is, somewhere in the vicinity of 5 billion (billion!) people worldwide log into social media daily, often many times a day. They log into Instagram, X, TikTok, and other platforms for news and information, for companionship and connection, to chat with a partner or to find one. The proverbial toothpaste is out of the tube, and there isn’t a prayer of getting it back in.
Social media has some good uses, of course, especially for people looking to connect with others in similar circumstances or professions, those who are housebound or living with disabilities, or anyone who simply wants to share their love of French bulldogs, surfing, or stand-up comedy. There are tens of thousands of discussion groups for readers of historical fiction, anime fans, parents of triplets—you name it. Whatever your interest, talent, or hobby, there’s a group for that! We can learn a lot about parts of the world where we will never set foot, “visit” museums, play chess or Minecraft, or just chat about the weather. Social media makes us feel less alone, less isolated, more included, and more heard.
Despite these positive uses, the downsides are hard to ignore. Social media can often carry a dark, even dangerous side. Too many users, including a large percentage of teenagers, become so dependent on these virtual platforms and sites to the point that they have difficulty with real, in-person relationships (2). They suffer from FOMO (fear of missing out) and “comparison fever,” constantly measuring their looks, accomplishments, material possessions, and status against others. What they don’t realize is that many of those beautiful, perpetually ecstatic people in photos and videos of the perfect sunset—at the Grand Canyon or in Grand Cayman—are manipulated to show only what the individual wants you to see and not the whole story. Much like showing a movie trailer or a highlights reel.
Another negative aspect of social media is that it often brings out the worst in people, including some who remain “safely” anonymous but spew angry, nasty language; unnecessary, mean-spirited criticisms; and even threats. Social media often thrives on dissatisfaction and vitriol. A study at Stanford University’s Social Media Lab found that gang mentality is very prominent on social media, and these platforms promote a shared antagonism towards others (3). This can have a devastating effect on young people especially as they are navigating a time in their lives when acceptance, belonging, and feeling included are everything (4). Additionally, people who belong to one or more minority groups are at particular risk for online verbal abuse.
So, what can social media users do to mitigate the risks while reaping its benefits? We can become smarter, more cautious, more aware, and more analytical consumers, even if we have no intention of deleting our accounts.
- Understand the Algorithm. Understand how social media algorithms work—how big platforms collect your data and harness your behavior patterns to keep you engaged and coming back for more.
- Question Your Feed. The material that shows up in your feed is not chosen because it enhances your health or wellbeing. It’s designed for the benefit of businesses that want to sell you a product—which may or may not be good—or an idea, which may or may not be accurate or have any basis in truth. We, as social media users, are products sold to advertisers!
- Separate Metrics from Self-Worth. Don’t confuse the number of likes you might get on a post or a photo with your own personal value, or even with authentic interest or acceptance.
- Set Digital Boundaries. Set a time limit for social media use each day. Set an actual timer and stick to it! Modern smartphones have “time limit” features you can use to help keep you honest.
- Track Your Emotional Response. Pay attention to how you feel during and after you use social media. Write down your feelings. If you often feel sad, more self-conscious, less sure of yourself, or just plain miserable, stop using it. Take a social media sabbatical—for a day, a week, a month, or even longer. Then see how you feel. Whether you decide to return to social media or not, you will have real-life personal data that will help you make that decision.
Lanier compares social media to the discovery back in the 1970s that lead paint presented serious health problems. That did not result in everyone giving up painting their houses! Instead, the industry worked to develop safer paints, and consumers waited, not wanting to poison themselves and their families. Social media companies can and should be doing the same thing, and we as consumers need to be aware of the risks social media poses. The reality is, while we think we're simply chatting with friends or staying informed, our data is being used to influence what we see and buy, not always for our benefit. Sometimes we are being fed harmful products, fleeting fads, fake realities, and conspiracy theories.
Does this sound like a paranoid fever dream? It is not. It is real. That doesn’t mean everyone needs to give up social media, but it does mean we need to approach these platforms with the same awareness we'd bring to any other product designed to influence our behavior.
Consider this: Take a moment to think about how and why you use social media. If you are happy and engaged with your friends, your job, your family, or with yourself and your solitude, you might find yourself drawn to social media for specific purposes: connecting with your historical fiction book club, sharing updates with distant relatives, or learning about parts of the world you'll never visit. But if you find yourself mindlessly scrolling and fixating on how many "likes" you are getting online, that might be worth examining.
If you don’t want to delete your accounts, don’t. But at least become a more aware, informed, and disciplined consumer, so we can get what we actually want from social media platforms rather than what they're designed to give us.
References
- Lanier, J. (2018). Ten arguments for deleting your social media accounts right now. Henry Holt and Company.
- Amirthalingam, J., & Khera, A. (2024). Understanding Social Media Addiction: A Deep Dive. Cureus, 16(10), e72499. https://doi.org/10.7759/cureus.72499
- Schreurs, L., Lee, A. Y., Liu, X. “Sunny”, & Hancock, J. T. (2024). When Adolescents’ Self-Worth Depends on Their Social Media Feedback: A Longitudinal Investigation With Depressive Symptoms. Communication Research, 51(6), 631-659. https://doi.org/10.1177/00936502241233787 (Original work published 2024)
- Baumeister, R. F., & Leary, M. R. (1995). The need to belong: desire for interpersonal attachments as a fundamental human motivation. Psychological bulletin, 117(3), 497–529.
The views and opinions expressed here are solely those of the author and should not be attributed to Counslr, Inc., its partners, its employees, or any other mental health professionals Counslr employs. You should review this information and any questions regarding your specific circumstances with a medical professional. The content provided here is for informational and educational purposes only and should not be construed as counseling, therapy, or professional medical advice.
In 2018, Jaron Lanier, often referred to as the “Father of Virtual Reality” wrote a book called Ten Arguments for Deleting Your Social Media Accounts Right Now (1). He presents convincing arguments for doing exactly that, including the concern that social media is destroying our capacity for real empathy and making us increasingly unhappy.
Depending on which source you believe and how up to date it is, somewhere in the vicinity of 5 billion (billion!) people worldwide log into social media daily, often many times a day. They log into Instagram, X, TikTok, and other platforms for news and information, for companionship and connection, to chat with a partner or to find one. The proverbial toothpaste is out of the tube, and there isn’t a prayer of getting it back in.
Social media has some good uses, of course, especially for people looking to connect with others in similar circumstances or professions, those who are housebound or living with disabilities, or anyone who simply wants to share their love of French bulldogs, surfing, or stand-up comedy. There are tens of thousands of discussion groups for readers of historical fiction, anime fans, parents of triplets—you name it. Whatever your interest, talent, or hobby, there’s a group for that! We can learn a lot about parts of the world where we will never set foot, “visit” museums, play chess or Minecraft, or just chat about the weather. Social media makes us feel less alone, less isolated, more included, and more heard.
Despite these positive uses, the downsides are hard to ignore. Social media can often carry a dark, even dangerous side. Too many users, including a large percentage of teenagers, become so dependent on these virtual platforms and sites to the point that they have difficulty with real, in-person relationships (2). They suffer from FOMO (fear of missing out) and “comparison fever,” constantly measuring their looks, accomplishments, material possessions, and status against others. What they don’t realize is that many of those beautiful, perpetually ecstatic people in photos and videos of the perfect sunset—at the Grand Canyon or in Grand Cayman—are manipulated to show only what the individual wants you to see and not the whole story. Much like showing a movie trailer or a highlights reel.
Another negative aspect of social media is that it often brings out the worst in people, including some who remain “safely” anonymous but spew angry, nasty language; unnecessary, mean-spirited criticisms; and even threats. Social media often thrives on dissatisfaction and vitriol. A study at Stanford University’s Social Media Lab found that gang mentality is very prominent on social media, and these platforms promote a shared antagonism towards others (3). This can have a devastating effect on young people especially as they are navigating a time in their lives when acceptance, belonging, and feeling included are everything (4). Additionally, people who belong to one or more minority groups are at particular risk for online verbal abuse.
So, what can social media users do to mitigate the risks while reaping its benefits? We can become smarter, more cautious, more aware, and more analytical consumers, even if we have no intention of deleting our accounts.
- Understand the Algorithm. Understand how social media algorithms work—how big platforms collect your data and harness your behavior patterns to keep you engaged and coming back for more.
- Question Your Feed. The material that shows up in your feed is not chosen because it enhances your health or wellbeing. It’s designed for the benefit of businesses that want to sell you a product—which may or may not be good—or an idea, which may or may not be accurate or have any basis in truth. We, as social media users, are products sold to advertisers!
- Separate Metrics from Self-Worth. Don’t confuse the number of likes you might get on a post or a photo with your own personal value, or even with authentic interest or acceptance.
- Set Digital Boundaries. Set a time limit for social media use each day. Set an actual timer and stick to it! Modern smartphones have “time limit” features you can use to help keep you honest.
- Track Your Emotional Response. Pay attention to how you feel during and after you use social media. Write down your feelings. If you often feel sad, more self-conscious, less sure of yourself, or just plain miserable, stop using it. Take a social media sabbatical—for a day, a week, a month, or even longer. Then see how you feel. Whether you decide to return to social media or not, you will have real-life personal data that will help you make that decision.
Lanier compares social media to the discovery back in the 1970s that lead paint presented serious health problems. That did not result in everyone giving up painting their houses! Instead, the industry worked to develop safer paints, and consumers waited, not wanting to poison themselves and their families. Social media companies can and should be doing the same thing, and we as consumers need to be aware of the risks social media poses. The reality is, while we think we're simply chatting with friends or staying informed, our data is being used to influence what we see and buy, not always for our benefit. Sometimes we are being fed harmful products, fleeting fads, fake realities, and conspiracy theories.
Does this sound like a paranoid fever dream? It is not. It is real. That doesn’t mean everyone needs to give up social media, but it does mean we need to approach these platforms with the same awareness we'd bring to any other product designed to influence our behavior.
Consider this: Take a moment to think about how and why you use social media. If you are happy and engaged with your friends, your job, your family, or with yourself and your solitude, you might find yourself drawn to social media for specific purposes: connecting with your historical fiction book club, sharing updates with distant relatives, or learning about parts of the world you'll never visit. But if you find yourself mindlessly scrolling and fixating on how many "likes" you are getting online, that might be worth examining.
If you don’t want to delete your accounts, don’t. But at least become a more aware, informed, and disciplined consumer, so we can get what we actually want from social media platforms rather than what they're designed to give us.
References
- Lanier, J. (2018). Ten arguments for deleting your social media accounts right now. Henry Holt and Company.
- Amirthalingam, J., & Khera, A. (2024). Understanding Social Media Addiction: A Deep Dive. Cureus, 16(10), e72499. https://doi.org/10.7759/cureus.72499
- Schreurs, L., Lee, A. Y., Liu, X. “Sunny”, & Hancock, J. T. (2024). When Adolescents’ Self-Worth Depends on Their Social Media Feedback: A Longitudinal Investigation With Depressive Symptoms. Communication Research, 51(6), 631-659. https://doi.org/10.1177/00936502241233787 (Original work published 2024)
- Baumeister, R. F., & Leary, M. R. (1995). The need to belong: desire for interpersonal attachments as a fundamental human motivation. Psychological bulletin, 117(3), 497–529.
The views and opinions expressed here are solely those of the author and should not be attributed to Counslr, Inc., its partners, its employees, or any other mental health professionals Counslr employs. You should review this information and any questions regarding your specific circumstances with a medical professional. The content provided here is for informational and educational purposes only and should not be construed as counseling, therapy, or professional medical advice.
In 2018, Jaron Lanier, often referred to as the “Father of Virtual Reality” wrote a book called Ten Arguments for Deleting Your Social Media Accounts Right Now (1). He presents convincing arguments for doing exactly that, including the concern that social media is destroying our capacity for real empathy and making us increasingly unhappy.
Depending on which source you believe and how up to date it is, somewhere in the vicinity of 5 billion (billion!) people worldwide log into social media daily, often many times a day. They log into Instagram, X, TikTok, and other platforms for news and information, for companionship and connection, to chat with a partner or to find one. The proverbial toothpaste is out of the tube, and there isn’t a prayer of getting it back in.
Social media has some good uses, of course, especially for people looking to connect with others in similar circumstances or professions, those who are housebound or living with disabilities, or anyone who simply wants to share their love of French bulldogs, surfing, or stand-up comedy. There are tens of thousands of discussion groups for readers of historical fiction, anime fans, parents of triplets—you name it. Whatever your interest, talent, or hobby, there’s a group for that! We can learn a lot about parts of the world where we will never set foot, “visit” museums, play chess or Minecraft, or just chat about the weather. Social media makes us feel less alone, less isolated, more included, and more heard.
Despite these positive uses, the downsides are hard to ignore. Social media can often carry a dark, even dangerous side. Too many users, including a large percentage of teenagers, become so dependent on these virtual platforms and sites to the point that they have difficulty with real, in-person relationships (2). They suffer from FOMO (fear of missing out) and “comparison fever,” constantly measuring their looks, accomplishments, material possessions, and status against others. What they don’t realize is that many of those beautiful, perpetually ecstatic people in photos and videos of the perfect sunset—at the Grand Canyon or in Grand Cayman—are manipulated to show only what the individual wants you to see and not the whole story. Much like showing a movie trailer or a highlights reel.
Another negative aspect of social media is that it often brings out the worst in people, including some who remain “safely” anonymous but spew angry, nasty language; unnecessary, mean-spirited criticisms; and even threats. Social media often thrives on dissatisfaction and vitriol. A study at Stanford University’s Social Media Lab found that gang mentality is very prominent on social media, and these platforms promote a shared antagonism towards others (3). This can have a devastating effect on young people especially as they are navigating a time in their lives when acceptance, belonging, and feeling included are everything (4). Additionally, people who belong to one or more minority groups are at particular risk for online verbal abuse.
So, what can social media users do to mitigate the risks while reaping its benefits? We can become smarter, more cautious, more aware, and more analytical consumers, even if we have no intention of deleting our accounts.
- Understand the Algorithm. Understand how social media algorithms work—how big platforms collect your data and harness your behavior patterns to keep you engaged and coming back for more.
- Question Your Feed. The material that shows up in your feed is not chosen because it enhances your health or wellbeing. It’s designed for the benefit of businesses that want to sell you a product—which may or may not be good—or an idea, which may or may not be accurate or have any basis in truth. We, as social media users, are products sold to advertisers!
- Separate Metrics from Self-Worth. Don’t confuse the number of likes you might get on a post or a photo with your own personal value, or even with authentic interest or acceptance.
- Set Digital Boundaries. Set a time limit for social media use each day. Set an actual timer and stick to it! Modern smartphones have “time limit” features you can use to help keep you honest.
- Track Your Emotional Response. Pay attention to how you feel during and after you use social media. Write down your feelings. If you often feel sad, more self-conscious, less sure of yourself, or just plain miserable, stop using it. Take a social media sabbatical—for a day, a week, a month, or even longer. Then see how you feel. Whether you decide to return to social media or not, you will have real-life personal data that will help you make that decision.
Lanier compares social media to the discovery back in the 1970s that lead paint presented serious health problems. That did not result in everyone giving up painting their houses! Instead, the industry worked to develop safer paints, and consumers waited, not wanting to poison themselves and their families. Social media companies can and should be doing the same thing, and we as consumers need to be aware of the risks social media poses. The reality is, while we think we're simply chatting with friends or staying informed, our data is being used to influence what we see and buy, not always for our benefit. Sometimes we are being fed harmful products, fleeting fads, fake realities, and conspiracy theories.
Does this sound like a paranoid fever dream? It is not. It is real. That doesn’t mean everyone needs to give up social media, but it does mean we need to approach these platforms with the same awareness we'd bring to any other product designed to influence our behavior.
Consider this: Take a moment to think about how and why you use social media. If you are happy and engaged with your friends, your job, your family, or with yourself and your solitude, you might find yourself drawn to social media for specific purposes: connecting with your historical fiction book club, sharing updates with distant relatives, or learning about parts of the world you'll never visit. But if you find yourself mindlessly scrolling and fixating on how many "likes" you are getting online, that might be worth examining.
If you don’t want to delete your accounts, don’t. But at least become a more aware, informed, and disciplined consumer, so we can get what we actually want from social media platforms rather than what they're designed to give us.
References
- Lanier, J. (2018). Ten arguments for deleting your social media accounts right now. Henry Holt and Company.
- Amirthalingam, J., & Khera, A. (2024). Understanding Social Media Addiction: A Deep Dive. Cureus, 16(10), e72499. https://doi.org/10.7759/cureus.72499
- Schreurs, L., Lee, A. Y., Liu, X. “Sunny”, & Hancock, J. T. (2024). When Adolescents’ Self-Worth Depends on Their Social Media Feedback: A Longitudinal Investigation With Depressive Symptoms. Communication Research, 51(6), 631-659. https://doi.org/10.1177/00936502241233787 (Original work published 2024)
- Baumeister, R. F., & Leary, M. R. (1995). The need to belong: desire for interpersonal attachments as a fundamental human motivation. Psychological bulletin, 117(3), 497–529.
The views and opinions expressed here are solely those of the author and should not be attributed to Counslr, Inc., its partners, its employees, or any other mental health professionals Counslr employs. You should review this information and any questions regarding your specific circumstances with a medical professional. The content provided here is for informational and educational purposes only and should not be construed as counseling, therapy, or professional medical advice.
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